Torchwood vs pizza girl
by marietheweird
Summary: ex-american pizza girl runs into torchwood and finds out she's an alien and gives torchwood a tough time. Warning iantoxjack jackxjohn johnxpoodle johnxgwen? Rated T for cursing.
1. Invading torchwood

Torchwood vs

Torchwood vs. pizza delivery girl

I owns nothing, nothing owns me.

Hi, my name is Lilly Goodfellow.

I am not proud to be an American; hence why I left to England on my 18th birthday in search of a better life.

Finding a place in London was shit and I had to keep going south until I ended up in a place called splott. God I can't understand people here. I had been living in an apartment with this nasty guy, when the police came and kicked us because of some investigation.

On my own again I took a bus to a town called Cardiff where I got a job as a pizza girl in some Italian pizza place. Let me tell you, American pizza maybe a bit greasier but it at least was made with real food and not whatever biochemical, nutra, good for you, alien meat, anti-carb crap.

So here I am working my Wednesday night shift when this cute guy comes in all well to do; nice suit and haircut you know the type.

"Miss I'd like the #5 combo with no drinks." He says smiling he pulls out his wallet and waits patiently for me to write down his order.

Scribbling it down I look up a little annoyed at the "miss" comment.

"For here or to go and would you like an extra topping on that for just additional 50 cents?" I say in my awesomely practiced automotive voice.

"To go? And no thank you, the names torchwood."

Stifling a laugh I cough several times to cover it up.

"Torch wood? Alright that'll be 17₤ sir. And thank you for shopping at wal-er I mean, Italian Pizzeria."

Taking the money I giggle to myself as I enter in the name, 'god I'm such a pervert…I need to work on my speech a bit.'

Looking a bit confused the man left and I was alone to do my evil of pizza making.

30 minutes later.

"What do you mean I have to deliver it?" I argue with my manager, hands on hips. I've talked him into the corner and now the squeamish little nerd is trying to weasel his way out of doing a bit of work.

"My shift is over. Unless you're paying me extra I don't see why I have to go all the way to the bloody docks."

"Lilly, as your boss I'm…telling you, that since you took the order, and we have a shortage of people on hand you have to take the pizza." He says, not to boldly, trying to stand a bit higher than me.

Growling I fling my hat at him and storm to the kitchen. "Fine, but if I get lost or kidnapped or whatever, you're the person my lawyers will go after first."

5 minutes later

Bicycling was never my thing though I will say I am quite good. That lance dude would probably have to get a motorcycle to look as cool as I do, bicycling. Yeah.

Sighing, I slowly make my way down the concrete pavement and to the little shop.

Parking my bike and taking the to go bag off the back, I go to the door and let myself in, idiots leaving a shop unattended to and unlocked in this town. Noticing a few post cards I took my cap off and stuck a few inside. Putting my cap back on I look around and tap my fingers on the top of the case.

"Oi anyone here? …hello? Bonjour? aloha? Ohio?"

Sighing I roll my eyes and walk around behind the counter. Noticing that they need to tidy up a bit, I straightened a few papers lying about. Suddenly I noticed a large button.

I am a born button pusher. Smiling widely I set down the pizza case and pushed the button.

There was a loud clunk and then the wall to my left rolled a way.

I ain't lying it just rolled away.

Grabbing the pizza I walked slowly towards it. Poking my head through the entryway I could see a long hallway and a door at the end. Stepping thru I shrugged and headed of to the door. As the wall rolled back in place behind me I tripped myself at the sound of the loud clunk. Straightening up I push a stand of red hair back in place. I can do this.

Running to the door I pushed the next big button I saw.

The round door in front of my rolled away and I saw bars.

I was also greeted by loud music; some techno band I never liked.

Pushing the bars away I looked around. The place was huge and reminded me of a leaky basement. It was obviously lived in because I could see TV screens and computer monitors in one section of it; several stairs leading to room higher up that I could barely see into and I could smell coffee. Walking to the computers I knew I was in the right spot thanks to –TORCHWOOD- being painted rather nicely on the wall. Looking at the monitor I saw a building and some information that looked rather important.

'I wonder if they have solitaire'

Setting the case down on the coffee table I turned back around to the computer screens.

'my this place is high tech'

I felt rather shabby standing in torn jeans and a black-t. Accessories by the pizza hat cover my red hair and the apron still tied around my waist. At least I had cool converse shoes.

Putting my hand on one of the mice I started clicking away to find the games.

What I did find was that this little bugger had an information network that was bogging it down a bit and a lot of programs that didn't look fun.

Stepping away I looked around and noticed a little hospital room to my left. 'Man these people are freaks.' Not liking the vibe I was getting I turned back around to the pizza. There was the pretty guy from earlier, staring at me wide-eyed and flustered.

"Nice place you got here….well there's your pizza and here," pulling a paper from a pocket in the apron and handing it out to him I smiled.

"Here's your receipt."

Taking the paper slowly he looked back at the door then at me.

"How did you get in?" He asked looking me over confused.

"I walked…the door was unlocked, then I pushed a button went down a hallway pushed another button and ta da here I be. Now I really need to be getting home so if you don't mind I'm going to do what I did only in reverse."

Taking a step towards the door he put a hand out to stop me.

"Wait...you can't…. do you promise not to tell anyone what you've seen?" Sounding more official he looked at me with a straight face causing me to break out laughing.

"Yes secret agent man, I pizza girl will keep the whereabouts of your little hide out safe. Or until someone pays me." Sidestepping his arm I quickly made my way over to the door waving at him as it opened. Running down the hall and out to the shop I took another postcard before going home.


	2. Girl from Mars

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I do not own anything, except Lilly. But even she disagrees on that. I know I'm wrong about some details. So please just ignore it.

Today is shopping day. I get Thursday off so I'm spending it looking for things to buy. Not very exciting but I like shopping for shoes. I get the song stuck in my head, so here I am walking down Churchill way bobbing my head to the song.

Later I get a coffee and this man has the audacity to laugh at me because I didn't know splott was in Cardiff. Needless to say I spit some of my coffee at him and got kicked out of the shop.

Walking along minding my own business this big busted woman bumps into me almost causing me to drop my coffee. Apologizing, though I could hardly understand what she was saying, she helped me pick up some of my bags and I swear she was up to something because she left suddenly with a flip of her hair. Weirdo.

Later I get home I've finished my drink and I'm sitting watching TV when all of a sudden everything starts getting blurry. Switching the TV off I try to stand up but my legs have started to fall asleep on me. Crawling my way to the kitchen I make my way over to the fridge where I keep my medicine. Opening the door I find the bottle of gin and quickly down half of it. I wait a bit and my vision starts to clear up and I can feel my legs again. I swear it isn't a joke. Gin makes me healthy I have no idea why but any sign of getting sick, and I am cured with a shot of the stuff.

Standing up I return the bottle to its shelf. This is definitely been a bad day.

Friday

Walking up at 2 p.m. I take a shower and change into my lovely work clothes.

Pedaling my way over to work I saw a cute guy in a red jacket. He was heading over to what I think was mermaid quay. This is why I came here, hot men in tight clothing.

Pulling into the pizza place my manager growls at me.

"Where have you been? I have been trying to get a hold of you for 2 days!"

"Yesterday I was out of town; I didn't get home till this morning so I didn't realize you called." So what if I lied a little big whoop.

Putting my bike in the back I took out my hat and apron as my boss crossed his arms at me frustrated.

"I needed you to work yesterday, but seeing as you're here you can work over time instead."

"How about no. and I'll just deliver a pizza instead?" I challenged sending him a glare.

Looking me in the eye he finally backed down and nodded.

"Alright"

Later that night

"Torchwood again? What is with these people? You think they didn't eat anywhere else."

Filling out the last order of the day I sighed in relief that I at least knew how to get there this time.

Pedaling down some side streets getting me there faster I knocked on the door this time, figuring I can't get in trouble this way. Answering the door was pretty boy looking at me happily.

"17 again, look sorry about walking through the place, I knew its not "the proper" thing to do, but it was fun finding the computers, secret agent man." I said holding out the pizza box smiling in return.

Dropping his expression to a frown he took the box.

"You remember…Being here?"

He asked motioning me to come in.

"Of course I do, it was only two days ago." Pulling out a receipt I held out my hand.

"17 pounds mister"

"I…have it in the other room if you would like to follow me, we'll go and get it."

He stated more to himself as he walked around the counter and pushed the button causing the wall to open again.

"You're polite, but I swear you try to kill me I'll cut your balls off"

I replied sticking my hands in my jean pockets and walking through the doorway sighing.

Following after me pretty boy coughed. But didn't say anything more until we reached the next door.

"There's someone I would like you to meet," Pushing the button, he smiled at me then turned his gaze to the door.

"You're not in some sort of cult are you? Cause its like I told that catholic dude, I don't do that sort of thing." I quickly stated as the doors opened to reveal the same place as before only I could hear people talking.

"But how do we know she's somehow not tied in with john?" A familiar female voice calls out.

"Because we've run a background on her and she seems normal" A Mans voice replies.

Pretty boy walks into the place and makes a bee line trip to the computers.

"She's here jack." He states setting down the pizza and turning on the computer.

Walking in I look around and notice the two people who had been talking slowly make their way down a flight of stairs to my right.

One of them was the woman that bumped into me the other day.

"Hello again, now what about me 17 pounds?" I called out rather annoyed.

The man that accompanied the women walked over to me sticking out his hand smiling.

"Jack Harkness, what planet are you from?"

Shaking his hand I put on a fake smile. "Mars, now what about my money?"

Crossing his arms he looked me over as I copied his movement only with a sneer.

"No you don't look like you came from mars now tell me, where are you from."

"My. Mother. … now can you shut it and let pretty boy over there pay me?"

The woman gave a little laugh and pointed at me.

"See, she most know john."

"We have to give her a chance." The man said before looking over at pretty boy.

"Who is she?"

Reading from a computer pretty boy let out a cough before saying.

"Lilly Goodfellow, born in 1989, given to Mr. and Mrs. Ryan Goodfellow through the Lutheran Adoption agency in Dayton Ohio, on August the-"

"I'm adopted! ...I knew I wasn't Jewish." I interrupted dropping my hands to my side.

"-the 2nd. No more information as to actual parents. Went to a prep school until 8 when she was suspended for suspicion as to talking a teacher into commit suicide."

"That's horrible!" the woman called out looking at me stunned.

"No what was horrible was the fact she didn't know she smelled." I retorted smirking.

"Anyways," Pretty boy continued. "Graduated from public school two years ago and moved to London. Then to splott, then to James St. here. Only relationships were; 3 boyfriends, 1 girlfriend and a fern." Looking up from the screen he smiled and stepped away hands in pockets.

"No hospital records, no police incidences?" The rude woman asked looking rather confused.

"No," both pretty boy and I replied at the same time. Smiling I crossed my arms again. "Nothing I couldn't cure or hide from the police."

Cocking his head jack looked me over again. "You had relations with a fern?"

Arching an eyebrow I gave a disgusted look, "Yeah, I talked to it, it kept me company. But I didn't try to fuck it if that's what you mean."

Laughing jack held out an arm and stepped over to put it around my shoulders, "this is my kind of kid."

"Jack, we still don't know why the retcon didn't work." The rude woman pointed out.

Putting his face in mine Jack gave me a stern look. "Thank you for reminding me, now Miss Goodfellow you can either tell me what kind of alien you are and why you are here or I'll have to put you on the slab."

Leaning my face into his I glared. "I is no alien, try anything and I will have to kick your ass."

Laughing again jack suddenly wrapped his other arm around me. Now behind me holding my arms down he started barking out orders.

"Ianto get the seat ready, Gwen grab the syringe I'll handle her!"

"Oh Hell no." twisting my hand behind me I grabbed the first thing I could get a hold of and dug my nails in.

"LET GO!" Jack yelled suddenly standing still.

"YOU LET GO!" I yelled back pulling as hard as I could.

Pushing me away, he grabbed himself laughing, "You shouldn't have done that."

Rearing my fist back I smiled. "you shouldn't have grabbed me"

Letting my fist go it contacted his nose rather hard sending pain up my arm. Rubbing my hand I stepped back muttering "ow"

Gwen had come back with a needle but stopped to laugh at jack. "I thought you said you could handle her."

Wiping the blood that was slowly trickling out his nose jack stood up angrily. "I am handling it, thank you very much."

Charging at me then, he caught me off guard managing to pick me up off my feet.

"PUT ME DOWN" I yelled hitting his arms as hard as I could.

That's when he ran us into a wall.

Dropping to the floor I tried to protect my head. After hitting the ground I managed to find him right beside me, so I kicked him square in the ass.

Standing up I rubbed my sore arm at the same time something was stabbed into my neck.

Letting out a scream of pain I grabbed the syringe and yanked it out tossing aside.

Getting up also Jack grunted but smiled. "Nice Gwen."

"Are you sure its going to work? What if she is a human?" Gwen asked from behind me.

"Then oops?" Jack stated waving a hand at me as I started to roll my eyes into the back of my head. Falling to the floor I cursed at the two objects coming towards me before I blacked out.


	3. Pretty boy has a bad day

I do not own torchwood, though it would be awesome

Waking up I blink a few times, as my eyes adjust to the bright light shining over head. Moving my hand to rub my eyes I feel something heavy on my wrist. Squinting at it I slowly make out shackles.

Jumping to my senses I remember Torchwood and being knocked out. Looking around the room I'm sitting in some sort of police questioning room complete with table and mirror. Trailing the chain attached to the shackle with my eyes I growl as I see it's attached to the ground. Moving my other hand to try pulling it off, my arm stopped in mid movement as it too was chained to the floor.

"I am dealing with tricky bastards." I breathe out a breath of air as I begin pulling both hands at the shackles. 'I can do this'

The door opened right as I tried again for the 2nd time. It was pretty boy with a cup of coffee.

"It won't do any good. Those can hold back an elephant. Now would you like some breakfast?" He asked setting the cup down in front of me.

"No. thank. you. Why am I chained? Can you honestly not afford a pizza?" I asked resting my hands on the arms of the chair.

"Are you sure you wouldn't want anything, it might be awhile before they come to talk to you." Smiling he picked up the cup of coffee and took a sip of it.

Smiling I raised my foot to rest on the edge of the table. "Would you tell them to hurry up or I'll have to hurt someone."

Kicking my foot out straight the table tipped over hitting Ianto's arm on the way down causing him to spill the coffee contents down his front. Hissing he tried wiping away the hot liquid before throwing the cup at me. Hitting my stomach, I looked at him like the idiot he was. "Go little messenger boy"

Leaving with a slam of the door I knew I had won.

Trying to move the cup off of me I get a hold of it with my left hand. Hitting it against the chair I manage to break it. Amazingly it left a sharp point on the handle putting my hand over it, I waited.

I've watched enough movies. I know what I'm doing.

Humming bohemian rhapsody I lean my head back and start singing to my self.

I had gotten to the part about Beelzebub when the door busted open.

"Has a devil put a side for me" Jack said simple smiling all smug too himself. He was wearing a blue coat this time, holding a clipboard in one hand.

"You know you better drop that cup handle before you hurt yourself."

"Dang, you figured me out. Now how about letting me out of these, and I'll just rip you apart with my bare hands." I glared tapping my fingertips.

"I like a challenge, but no. Don't you want to know the results of the tests?"

With one hand, he picked the table back up and set the clipboard down.

Flicking the handle away I look at him questioningly. "What tests?"

Putting a hand on the clipboard he stared at me sadly. "You're a Macedonian from a planet called Teek, but that could only be if you were from the 35th century…so tell me, how did you get here?"

"What the hell are you talking about, my name is Lilly Goodfellow, born and raised in Dayton Ohio. Freak." I look down at the clipboard curiously.

"Where's Teek?"

"5th planet of the middle star in Orion's belt." Jack said patiently watching my face.

Thinking quietly to myself I look at my hands, "So if I am an alien, why do I look like an earthling?"

"Surprisingly the Macedonian race, after a war with the Carnets, were affected by the gas of the planet and mutated into this." He pointed at me, and smiled. "If you hadn't noticed already you may notice your body has a high tolerance for sarcasm and liquor."

"So my personality is not because my parents were alcoholics but the fact I am an alien from outer space…right. Ha-ha" Laughing I looked up at him and stopped.

"You're serious?" shaking my head I looked at myself in the mirror. Pale, Naturally red pony tail. Grey eyes, lips same shade as my hair, perfect nose, eyes evenly spaced, nice chin, pour complexion. How could I be a mutation?

"If you're telling the truth…then…why would I be on earth? This is the most mind numbing experience, life. Is my entire existence a fraud?"

Staring myself down in the mirror I put on a face of emptiness.

Nodding his head, Jack made his way to stand beside me. Undoing the shackles he sighs. "Your life wasn't a lie. But we want to know why you're here as much as you do."

Standing up I take a step towards him. "Thank you…for nothing!"

Punching him in the stomach I run to the door. Right as I get the door open, Jack slams his body into it closing it with a thud.

"I knew it was too soon for you to be so willing." He said narrowing his eyes at me even though he smiled.

"Drama class, vice president. Now let, me, go!" grabbing onto the sleeves of his jacket I tug him back angrily.

Grabbing my arms and slamming me back into the mirror he shook his head laughing.

"No, no, no I'm having fun, now either except the fact that you're an alien, or except the fact that your visa is suspended and you're an illegal."

"WHAT?! You have got to be kidding me, who are you people? Sci-Fi mafia?" struggling against him I just made myself more flustered.

"We are torchwood, we fight aliens, we protect the human race, but we want to help you by figuring out why you are here." Leaning his face into mine he stared deeply into my eyes.

"Fine! Just let me go!" I demanded still not liking this 'torchwood.'

"If you promise to behave like a decent human being."

"I will if you will"

Letting me go he turned around and opened the door making room for me to go through first. Hurrying thru I stopped, then followed him the rest of the way to the room where we were in before.

"Lilly, Ianto will supply you with general need to know information; Gwen will supply you with a fresh change of clothes." Strolling over to the computers where the two he had mention stood, Jack flung the clipboard at the couch sighing.

"Welcome to torchwood."

"Well that's lovely but what about my job, my boss, I have to work today." I pointed out smiling.

Gwen walked over to me with a shopping bag, "You quit left a message for your boss even had your apartment closed."

"What?" I asked taking the bag grimly.

"You are under torchwood care until further notice, now you can change in the office up there." Gwen pointed at a room on the second floor and I scoffed.

"I ain't walking all the way up there." Opening the bag I pulled out a black long sleeved t-shirt. Setting the bag down I pulled off my top and put the black one on instead. Causing Gwen to turn around blushing.

Jack stood wide mouth before looking at an annoyed Ianto before saying "Young people these days"

Changing into a pair of leather pants I ran a hand through my hair before putting my stuff in the bag. "You people sure have funny tastes."

With no shoes I carefully stepped over to where ianto was. "Sorry about the coffee. Now how exactly are you people going to help me?"

Ianto breathed in deeply and pointed at the computers. "Jack's going to get in touch with some people he knows, Gwen's going to look for possible alien sightings in 1989 and I… well check up on your medical needs."

"So for the most part you are the pretty boy…What I'm I supposed to do." I asked looking about the place.

Taking my bag Ianto smiled. "Find a way to entertain yourself." Turning he walked away to what looked like a kitchen.

Stretching my arms over my head, I looked over at Gwen and smiled.

"So….you and two handsome men. All alone. Get much done?"

Turning her attention the computers she grinned but shook her head.

"I'm married, and they're. Together, pretty much it's just work, work, work."

Sighing I look up at the ceiling and freeze. "Is that? No, is that a terradactyl?"


	4. coffee and postcards

I do not own Torchwood or the BBC and they probably would be pissy at me anyways if I did. and Thanks to SNLS for the idea. Helped with the writers blocks.

Couch, Torchwood. All night slumber party.

"A full house so does not beat four of a kind." I was stuck staying at torchwood, and apparently so was jack. It was about 10:00 am and we had stayed up all night talking, playing cards and drinking.

Currently I was in one of jacks shirts and briefs. He was in slacks and had just played a full house.

"Look I have been playing poker for a life time, a full house always beats four of a kind." Jack pointed at the cards then at my face. "You just want to win."

"I've been to casinos before the only thing that beats a four of a kind is a royal flush and a straight flush, thank you very much." Throwing a couch pillow at him I growled. "Admit defeat captain."

Picking up the pillow Jack threw it back. "Never." And that's when I plastered his face with the pillow, causing us both to laugh.

"What are you two doing?"

Looking up, there stood Ianto looking at us all suspiciously with the door closing in the background.

"Nothing" both me and Jack said at the same time. Standing up I just bit my lip and walked to the kitchen. Finding the sink I turned the water on to wash my face a bit. I could hear their voices a little and as far as I could make out Jack was in trouble. Shutting the water off I grabbed a towel and dried my face. Looking around I saw the coffee pot. Ianto drinks a lot of coffee. Walking over casually I saw the can for the coffee grounds and giggled. Opening it I looked around and saw the spice rack. Hehehe.

...A Few minutes later.

"Jack! Something's up with the coffee filter" Ianto yelled spitting into the sink a couple more times.

"Well get a new one!"

Smiling to myself I make the last fold to my origami boat. I'm wearing some sort of black tank top, and blue jeans. It's a little more what I'm use too but they also gave me high healed boots, which is hard to walk in by the way. Bending down I let the little boat float in the puddle. "This basement needs a plumber." Standing up I look around bored yet again. Heading over to the stairs, Ianto gives me a dirty look on his way to the computers.

Upon reaching the second floor I walk unsteadily over to Jack's office. Letting my self in I whine. "Can I go outside? Just for an hour, come on I need something to do. This place is a damp version of hell."

Sitting at his desk Jack set down his pen sighing. "Can't you knock?"

"No, now how about you let me go for a walk or something."

Leaning back Jack looked to the right thinking. "You'll admit that I won the poker game, and I'll let you run the shop, give Ianto a chance to be in the hub more."

"You won the game but my four of a kind beat your full house. And you just want to have sex with him. Now let me go." I stated resting my hands on his desk.

"We have cameras in there so we'll know if you leave…but alright you can watch the shop." Looking at me Jack crossed his arms. "You know if we actually get someone in you never tell them of us. Or let them in."

"Alright, Thank ya Jack," quickly turning and running back out the door I slid down the stairs and stumbled to the big door.

"BE CAREFUL!" Jack yelled leaning against his office door smiling.

...24 minutes later

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, and the man at the back said everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz. And the girl in the corner said Boy I wanna warn ya it'll turn into a ballroom blitz!" Dancing around the shop I spin the card holder as the radio blasts music in the background.

Running around the desk I got up on the chair and held out my hand at the door running the other thru my hair. "I'm reaching out for something; touching nothing's all I ever do. Oh I softly call you over when you appear there's nothing left of you….hi"

The front door right across from me had open and a man in a red jacket came in smirking. "well how do you do too" he said closing the door behind him. Dropping my hands I bit my lip "sorry about that. How may I…help you." jumping down and turning the radio off I sat in the chair and looked the man over. He wore a tight shirt and pants. I think he is wearing a gun holster.

"I'm looking for a man named Captain Jack Harkness. You wouldn't happen to know him?" The man asked looking me over as well.

"Yeah I know the bastard, but I'm not supposed to tell anyone." Picking up a letter opener I started cleaning my nails.

Leaning over to look at me closer he breathed in deeply. "He is a bastard isn't he? Wouldn't know how to get his attention would you?"

Smiling I stood up and set down the letter opener. "Apparently, I'm not allowed to leave, and if I do he's going to come and get me."

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" The man said smirking, hooking his thumbs in his belt as he motioned with his head to the door.

Looking around at the corners of the room I spot the camera and blow it a kiss.

Walking over to the strange man I hook my arm around his. Opening the door we head on outside.

"Names Lilly Goodfellow, Jack's 'alien'" I said looking at him.

"Captain John Hart, Jack's ex." John said with a smile

"And I thought I was weird."


	5. puppies!

I don't own anything and thank you for reading

I don't own anything and thank you for reading. Lilly says she didn't do anything with jack…except tap, that.. I'm sorry they really didn't do anything and ianto needs to stop worrying about it.

"You mean they have stores for these beauties?" John asked putting a hand on the glass.

Rolling my eyes I grab his hand. "If you want to buy one you have to go inside." Pulling him to the door we go inside St. Mary's Pet Emporium.

Running over to the main display case I put a hand on John's shoulder. "Now which one do you want? The white one, the black one or the brownish one?"

Looking everywhere but at the dogs, John shuffled his feet. "The…white…one."

Smiling I open the cage door and picked up the little puppy. "I don't want to know why you like poodles, but every person should have a pet in some point in their life." Handing it over to John, I pull out my wallet. We had gone back to my apartment to get a couple of things, money being one of them.

Holding the puppy close to his chest, John smiled as it licked his nose. "I think I'll call it Vera."

"Whatever but you owe me, poodles are damn expensive." Going to the cashier I handed her the money.

"You, um, get a free collar and leash thank you!" The poor woman mumbled counting the money happily.

"John pick Vera out a collar."

…………………….over at Torchwood.

"Gwen have you checked the CVT cameras?" Jack yelled, Gathering a medical bag together.

"What else do you think I've been doing?" Gwen brought up some windows on the computer all of which showed Lilly and John walking.

"Well!?"

"I found her and John making their way to her apartment and then nothing. No more video footage." Getting up from her chair Gwen picked up her gun. "I told you she was in league with John."

Coming up from the medical room jack huffed. "I told you she doesn't know john, she just doesn't believe she's an alien."

"What you couldn't convince her at all last night?" Ianto spoke up from where he stood watching.

"I told you, nothing happened, you have to believe me. Now, come on, we got to find them before something terrible happens."

………………………back with Lilly

"What do you mean you've killed Jack that's impossible?" Taking another bite of my ice cream I look over at John skeptically.

"The man can't die, you should try it, and it's a great stress reliever." Holding Vera with one arm John licked his ice cream before holding it out to the dog.

"Alright fine, once I had gotten drunk on a Sunday and had to go to school the next day. So I brought vodka in a water bottle and drank it through out class to nurse my hangover. I didn't get caught so I decided I would do that ever Monday. And I did."

Laughing John nodded, "I did something like that once when I worked at the time agency. Evil geniuses like us need that extra drink you know."

"Don't I know it." Taking another bite of my ice cream I look around at the little plaza we where in. "So are you and Jack aliens?"

"Technically speaking yes. But its not as bad as Jack makes it out to be, you and me, we're able to infiltrate practically anything, fuck anything too. But because we come from a different place they find it 'wrong'" Tossing the cone aside John brought the puppy down onto his lap petting it with its nice shiny, spiky collar.

"I think Jack needs to mind his own business. I don't know why I was left here, but I shouldn't be punished for it."

Looking up at me John grins, "You know your right, why don't we go and muck about with them, see how they like it."

Leaning forward I smirk wickedly. "Bet I can get Ianto and Jack to split."

"That leaves me with human girl. Let's go"

…………………Torchwood- on the road

"Where were they last spotted?" Jack asked readying his gun.

"Shopping center two blocks south." Gwen typed away at computer in the back scanning the screens for clues.

"Jack, what are we supposed to do with them when we find them?" Ianto asked glancing between Jack and the road.

"Stop John from whatever it is he's planning and… put Lilly in a holding cell."

"Do honestly think that, that is the- Oh my god there they are!" Gwen yelled pointing at the sidewalk anxiously.

Pulling the car over all three jumped out guns aimed at the two walking the little puppy.

"John what are doing with Lilly!?" Jack yelled cocking his pistol.

Stopping John and I look at each other and smile. "We're on a date, what does it look like?" I said wrapping my hands around his arm.

"You might want to put those away, your scaring the locals." John pointed out resting his head on mine.

All at the same time the three tilted their heads, Jack was the first to break the awful silence. "Lilly, you were supposed to stay at Torchwood." Putting up his gun Jack gave me a fierce look.

"Awe come on, you found me, now lets just go back so you can yell at me some more eh?" Tapping John's shoulder I motioned towards the van.

"Oi he's not coming with us." Gwen Stated pointing her gun at John.

"I ain't coming if he ain't coming." I said rather annoyed.

"Just get in the car." Giving john a glare Jack turned and got into the van.

Ianto followed grimly; Gwen lowered her gun before following foot.

"Jack seems to like you." John stated sadly before picking up Vera.

"Yeah, but why?" pulling up my tank a little I head towards the door. "It's not like I want to enslave the human race…although." Smiling to myself I shook my head. "Nah, they would be too annoying."

"You might try deaf people. That would be nice." John said as an after thought.

Opening the door I tried not to giggle. "Yeah, but we wouldn't even know if something bad was going to happen. Or if something funny was going on."

"Lilly, John, please behave yourselves."

"We promise" we both said sweetly, crossing our fingers before climbing in.


	6. food, makeup, and guns

I don't own anything

I don't own anything. Except Lilly but I'm thinking of disowning her. Sorry slash ahead.

"Yes I would like a large pepperoni and also a large cheese…and extra large half mushrooms, half sardines, three 2-liters of Pepsi…yeah...names torchwood. Yeah, can you bring that in about half an hour? Thanks bye." Setting down the phone I scratch my head before picking up the phone again.

"What are you doing now? Honestly you're costing us a fortune." Ianto looked darkly at me before heading over to the computers.

"I must feed" making a bite in the air towards him, I stopped when I got someone on the other end. "Ohio Chicken Teriyaki…sashimi, Hai, Hai, torchwood, Hai Domo arigato gazimas." Standing up I stretch before going over to the hospital room. "Jack you wouldn't happen to have any alcohol on you would you?"

"No…why?" Examing an artifact Jack looks up at me curiously.

"I don't feel all that well, And as my captor you're supposed to make sure I'm I'll right. And gin especially makes me happy." Pointing at the weird contraption, I step down to where he's at. "Whatcha doin?"

"I'm trying to find out whether this is a transporter, or some sort of communication device. And I'll think about the alcohol."

Looking down at the rusted thing I smile. "It's a gun."

Straightening up Jack breathes in deeply, "And what makes you think it's a gun?"

Picking it up I slip my arm through a brace and point it at jack smiling. "It's off of Star Trek. You shoot it like this." Pulling the trigger, a wave of energy blasted from the gun sending Jack back into the wall and destroying some machinery. Setting the gun down I held my hands behind my back. "Sorry?"

Getting up with a clang, Jack looked about ready to kill me. "WHO SAID YOU COULD FIRE THAT THING!"

"I didn't know it was real. Hello, I still think you people are full of it."

Making his way around the table, Jack grabbed my arm and pulled me to the other room. Dragging me all the way upstairs he stopped once we reached a conference room. Slamming the door behind him; he turned and pointed a finger at me. "You know you could have killed someone."

"You know that I don't really care." Sitting down in one of the chairs I crossed one leg over the other and looked at him rather bored.

"If you don't start getting your act together, I'll have to put you down in the vaults, with all the other hostile aliens."

"And what are you eh? Just a sexually driven alien? As far as I'm concerned, we're on the same level."

"No we're not, why do you have to be so frustrating!"

"I'm a girl. And you know I came back willingly because you people wanted me so badly. If my presence doesn't suit you then I can leave." Standing up I headed for the door but was stop by Jack grabbing me by the arm.

"You can't leave. You're still in our care."

"Then give me something to do."

Smiling evilly Jack says ok and leads me downstairs.

…………..Torchwood, everyone has gone home except John Jack Lilly and Vera.

I had been told to wash the bloody dishes so here I am in the kitchen while the boys get to do whatever the hell they want. So unfair, just because I ordered all that food. I ate it what more do they want. Setting a mug in the draining rack I felt a twinge in my back, God I need to work out more.

"What's with the dog?" Jack asked looking at the puppy sleeping on the couch.

Leaning against the computer desk John smiled. "Reminds me a bit like you, looks nice acts like it owns everything, goes begging to be petted by anyone, but in the end I'm still it's master."

"You never change do you?" Taking a step forwards, Jack gives him a defiant stare.

"Yeah, but that's what you always liked about me constant in every habit." Pushing up off the desk John leaned up to challenge his remark.

Changing his expression to a friendlier one Jack looked at John's mouth intently. "Still leave the towel on the bathroom floor?"

"Every time." Grabbing the back of Jack's head John pulls him into a kiss.

Wrapping his arms around John, Jack pushes him back into the desk attacking at his jacket as he did so.

Finishing the dishes I grumble as I wipe my heads dry. Walking into the other room I started giggling uncontrollably. "Oi you two get a room."

The pair stopped at my intrusion smiling at themselves.

"Care to join I'm sure Jack's alright with women, though I'm not quite sure about that." Tugging on Jack's jacket John toyed with his belt before Jack slapped his hand away.

"No thank you John, you're not my type. But um. I'll be…ha-ha over in the, um office." Laughing as I left I tried to burn the mental images that were coming to me.

"I think we should stop," Jack pointed out taking a step back.

"Your right… lets stop fooling ourselves, and just go." Taking a running leap John kissed Jack more intensely this time causing them to fall on the floor.

……………………………………………..next day Ianto's day off

"My back hurts." I complain to nobody in particular.

"Mine too, what did you do last night?" John asks from his spot on the couch.

"Nothing just slept well tried to what with you and Jack making a ruckus." Hobbling over to sit beside him, John pats his knee invitingly.

"You were invited to join."

Rolling my eyes, I plop down on the couch hissing. "I told you, you're not my type, too, old."

"What? I'm not that old."

"…well you look it."

"Settle down you too." Gwen was smiling from her post at the computers; looking over her shoulder she arched an eyebrow at us both. "John looks perfectly fine for his age."

"Why does everyone think I'm older then what I'm really am?" Whistling and patting his leg, Vera jumped up on his lamp barking.

Running a hand through John's hair I look at him thoughtfully. "I can help with some of that…I just need some materials, Gwen? Can I see your purse?"

Turning around Gwen tossed the bag to me and crossed her arms.

Going through the purse I found what I needed. Hand lotion, and make up.

"Oi what are you doing?" John asks looking at me skeptically.

Gently shoving Vera off, I push my self up to sit on John's lap comfortably.

"That's more like it." Giving me a little grin John wraps his hands around my thighs.

"Oi, behave yourself," Squirting some lotion into my right hand finger tips I smother his face with the lotion. I work it into his eyes then out to his cheeks. Then up to his forehead until it was all gone.

Taking out the concealer I work it into his eyes before finding the eyeliner.

"I'm not wearing make up." Moving his head away, I cross my arms and stick my tongue out at him.

"Trust me, when I'm done you'll look ten years younger now come on."

……………………a few….minutes later.

When I was finally done I gave everything back to Gwen and stood up. "There, a dashing man."

"My god, he does look younger." Standing up to get a closer look Gwen smiled. "You look good John; you should do your make up more often."

Sighing John stood up a bit angrily. "I'm not wearing make up."

"Gwen, maybe you can take John out, show him the benefits of beauty enhancements."

Glaring at John I motion to Gwen with my eyes. Taking the hint John looked at Gwen with a little smile. "As if you could enhance this."

"Don't be so full of yourself," grabbing her coat Gwen headed towards to door.

"Go!" I hiss, "I'll watch Vera."

Grinning widely John hurried on out the door.

…………………… an hour later

"Jack could you give me a hand? I think I broke something." I had been working on labeling weapons and sorting them when I felt something in my back crack. Putting a hand on the small of my back, I leaned over the table coughing. "I need some gin right about now."

Slowly making his way over to me, jack sighed "what are you whining about now?"

"I…I…" falling to my knees I close my eyes and pray for the best.

Running over to my body jack quickly bent down to pick me up. "Lilly! Lilly!" Opening my eyes I looked up at him scared. "I need…my back…gin…I need gin. Now!"

"Alright shush, I'll get you to fixed now come on." Standing up Jack carried me over to the hospital room. Setting me down on the table he pulls up my shirt to examine my back.

"Where does it hurt?"

"My Fucking Back! Lower end"

Going through the utensils on the tray, Jack picked up a syringe. "Why does stuff always happen when I'm alone?" Sticking the syringe in my spine he hurried over to the scanner. "Are you always this complicated?"

Grabbing my stomach I smirked. "Damn straight. What you shoot me with?"

"Rubbing alcohol." Giving a little laugh Jack scratched his head before looking at the screen. "There's…well, there's a broken rib. And something…like a disk, a metal disk inside you, wait a minute." Picking up the remote for the scanner he zoomed in on my spine. "You've got three metal disks two at the shoulder blades one at the base of the spine."

Looking up at the screen I waved my arm a little, "how can I have metal in me, when I don't set off metal detectors?"

"Sorry I lied, their some sort of plastic disks. The lower one apparently moved breaking the bottom of your rib cage…I'm going to have to examine you."

"Oh hell no." Sitting up I hold a hand out to stop him. "Don't you dare come near me."

"Lilly lets be rash, you've got plastic in you that just broke one of your ribs. Do you think that's healthy?" John asked slowly making his way over to the medical tray.

"Why yes I do." I stated sarcastically. "No I don't but I ain't about to have you cut me open!"

"I'm not going to cut you open, just examine you with the x-ray machine." Picking up the stethoscope Jack stuck it in his ear then held out the end towards me.

"Fine just don't touch anything but my back." Turning around I lay back sighing.

After listening for my heartbeat then doing something with wrapping me up, Jack complained about not having all of the equipment because someone was trigger happy. It was a long time before Jack grabbed my hand saying he was done.

"So what's the diagnosis doc?" I ask rubbing my eyes yawning.

"They're weapons of some sort. I can't tell much unless I look at them but they're weapons of some sort. We're going to have to probe you. See if there's some underlying genetic information we can get. I'd hate for you to be like one of those sleepers." Setting down some bandages Jack crossed his arms smiling a little.

"Right, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"We have to find out whether or not those weapons are in your control and if not, what we can do about it. Hopefully it will also help us find whoever brought you here."

"Well that's peachy isn't it?" Feeling a stab in my gut I groan. "What's wrong with my stomach?"

"I think that would be the fish and pizza you ate yesterday, there's Tums in the bathroom"

"Well that's good news then."


	7. john knows it all

I do not own anything except the ideas within my mind

I do not own anything except the ideas within my mind. (dirty dirty dirty dirty)

this chapter has info next will be for fun

"It looks like an electric chair." Jack had set up a metal chair hooked up to a computer. The chair had restraints and a hat thing and I could have sworn it looked like a pimped version of the chair in The Green Mile.

"Only one person has ever had their head explode." Ianto smiles at me patting the seat.

"Right, Jack I ain't doing this, I quit." Taking a step to the left Gwen puts a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Don't listen to him, the last person we did this to survived and gave us a ton of information. Now have a seat and try to relax." Looking at this woman I wasn't sure if I was about to have my heart taken out or a back massage. Turning to the chair I held my chin high and went for it.

After strapping me in Jack stood in front of me smiling. "We're going to ask you a few questions, were you will only feel a little amount of pain, and hopefully we wont have to cut you open."

"That's very reassuring." Breathing slowly I kept thinking about how I would love to give that smirking jerk a kick in the ass. Looking up at jack I smiled. "Ready when you are."

Ianto was happily typing something on to the computer when I felt like a hammer smash my brain.

"FUCK!"

"Okay, what is your name, and species?" Jack asked looking rather amused.

"Lilly Goodfellow, Human." Giving each other a nod Ianto typed again, sending another shot of pain as jack asked another question.

"What are those disks in your back for?"

"Hell if I know!" Seriously I want to get out of this thing and punch their lights out.

Feeling another more powerful shot of pain I felt something in me move. The lights brightened then the chair I was sitting in exploded. I don't know how it exactly happened but I was behind Jack when the computer started sputtering.

That's when I kicked the bastard. "HOW DARE YOU! That fucking hurt. Next time we'll shock your balls and see how you like it."

Falling forward Jack caught himself on the chair, as Gwen pointed a finger at me. "How did you do that?"

Picking himself up before turning to face me Jack had this bewildered look on his face that made him look somewhat stupid.

"I don't know I thought you did something."

"You…teleported." Jack stumbled out at last.

Looking at the confused looks on these three's faces, I'm starting to think I need someone else to help me.

"How long have you been able to teleport?" Jack asked straightening up to a more dignified position.

"I didn't teleport, I mean I couldn't have, that's like impossible." Crossing my arms I felt my right shoulder blade pop. "This is starting to sound like a comic book."

Suddenly red lights started flashing causing Gwen to run to the computers. "Rift energy, massive signs near the hospital, Jack we have to go."

Giving me a glance over Jack pointed a finger at me angrily. "You are staying here until we get back; try not to destroy anything else."

"Fuck you too." Rubbing my arms I went to sit on the couch. There's no point in getting in the way of their little 'missions.'

With a click of their guns a swish of Jack's coat they were gone and I was alone.

Wait a minute, I am alone. Looking around me and even at the birdie thing flying over head I smiled. Its pay back time for those bastards.

…………………..Later

After mixing the Terradactyl's food with some left over pizza in the fridge, I went through torchwood's computer files. Apparently they're connected to everyone, well, almost everyone. Typing away furiously I finally cracked the password to the queen's computer. She's dirty for someone her age, I just went through some of the letters and god, was it disturbing.

As I was reading away their appeared a little window of the shop's front door. John was standing there with Vera ringing the buzzer. Closing everything down I ran to the door smiling, finally some real fun. They sent john away because he was apparently a bad influence, but really I think him and jack got into a fight.

Upon reaching the shop I called out. "Coming!" unlocking then opening the door i smiled as john held out a bottle of gin to me.

"I thought you might like this." Grinning, john handed me the bottle before stepping inside, Vera tagging along closely.

"I could kiss you!" Tugging at the lid I managed to get it off with record timing. Taking a sip I hooked my arm with his and led him to the desk.

"So what have you been up to?" I ask, kicking the button to open the door.

"Traveling, investigating, and learned a lot about you." With a sad expression John looked worriedly at me before leading us through the door.

"Oh? And what did you learn about me?" I asked somewhat intrigued.

"You're dying." John simply stated once we had reached the next door.

Taking another drink I look at him questioningly. "We're all dying; tell me something I don't know."

Opening the door we headed into the hub. We had reached the couch when John turned and took my hand. "You're going to explode." Looking rather grim he sighed. "You have a bomb inside you."

"Are you trying to tell me I'm pregnant?"

"No, I went to your home planet, your people, during their war implanted babies with a bomb, a teleported, and an emotion chip. The children would grow up to fight and at a certain age become suicide bombers. Unfortunately I think that the time has come for the bomb to activate."

Taking a larger gulp of gin, I think a moment before shrugging. "Mom always said I had an explosive personality." Looking around the room an idea struck me. "How long do I have?"

Dropping my hand John shrugs. "I don't know."

"Want to go do something anti-torchwood?" I ask smiling wickedly.

"Sure. Why not?" Hooking his thumbs John smiled before heading over to the weapon area.


	8. ballroom blitz

"Are you sure that things going to work

I don't own anything, Last chapter. May write another one, but I think I was killing this story so…

"Are you sure that things going to work?" I ask John who was pushing some buttons on his wrist thing.

"It's going to work, as long as you did what you where supposed to do right."

We were standing on top of some sky scraper as the sunset turned red off in the distance. I was leaning my arms on the edge smiling at the noisy city below.

"You know torchwood will kill us?"

"Yeah but what do you honestly expect? Okay are you ready?"

Standing up I look to the sun as it falls behind the horizon.

"Yeah I'm ready."

Pressing another button John smiles and drops his hand. "Watch the show begin."

Suddenly all the street lights turn red and the sound of car horns could be heard in the distance. Then the speakers we had set up started playing; we had wired into every store, every office, every radio, and even all the local TV stations. Bopping my head I smiled, as the band sweet started playing ballroom blitz.

"You spoil me too much." I stated as building lights started turning on and off with beat with the music. Smiling and putting an arm around my shoulders John and I waited for the chorus.

Yelling with the music "Ballroom Blitz!" Fireworks shot off into the air. Laughing hysterically the festivities stopped and the traffic lights were turned back on. Stopping I growled. "What happened?"

"Chaos happened, do you realize how many car accidents you two caused!" Jack yelled from behind us.

Turning around to face the little torchwood group I growled. "We were only having a bit of fun."

"And I told you to stay at the base! This is it Lilly, we're going to have to lock you up."

Resting my head on my shoulder as I thought I looked at Jack bored. "Jack, I'm not going back, I'm going to do what I like when I like and you can't stop me."

"He might not." Running his hand down my arm I didn't realize what he was doing until I heard the click of metal. "But I can the games up, time to admit defeat." John talked quietly and sadly, although his face gave off a look of smugness.

"Why! You said I didn't have long, why should I behave now!" hitting him with my free arm I tried pulling my other hand out of the cuffs.

With confused faces Gwen and Ianto looked to Jack for explanation. Sticking his hands in his pocket Jack frowned. "Thank you John lets head back to base."

……….Throughout the entire car ride I felt nothing but hatred, John had explained everything to everyone. About my home planet, the bomb, the fact I was a lost fighter, everything.

Why should I have to be locked up? If I'm going to die like John said what's the point? I never really enjoyed life; too busy trying to get by. I've thought about death before, but never really wanted to dwell in it. Running a hand through my hair I looked at John, "You know, I'm not going to die," He and Gwen both turned to look at me puzzled.

"What makes you say that?" Gwen asked looking at me sadly.

"I don't feel like it." Staring her down in the face she turned her gaze away, pretty much nobody wanted to look me in the eye.

……………..

Upon reaching the base I kind of lost it. Normally I'm calm, Icy, don't care, but something in me snapped and I just lost it. John had undone the handcuffs and Gwen was going to take me somewhere when I yelled.

"NO!"

Slamming my self into the wall I screamed at the high pitched noise inside my head,

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE! IT'S NOT FAIR. I'VE NEVER KILLED ANYONE!"

Grabbing my arms Ianto and Jack pull me to the medical room as I try clawing my self away from them.

"So what if I'm an alien? I liked my parents, I liked being in London, I liked the way people talked and the way people acted. And here I am, my own body ripping apart from the inside, because that's what it was born to do. I don't want the responsibility."

Crying out in grief, I never notice that they had set me on the table and had me strapped to a machine.

"What kind of people are you! Help humans, but not me!" I think they must have sedated me because I got calm after that.

Staring up at the monitors Jack shook his head, "We have to do something, her body's attacking the disks, the bottom one has been destroyed but the top two are still there."

"Emotion chip." John stated rubbing his thumb against my cheek to wipe away the tears.

"What if she doe's blow up? She'll take us and half of Cardiff with her." Ianto pointed out.

Staring at the ceiling I thought about what my life has meant to me, all the childhood memories, and this. Looking at the four faces around me I thought about what they did, what they probably did what they must do.

Looking at Gwen I smiled. "Your married with all these men, get a divorce," Turning to Ianto I stuck my tongue out. "You should have been nicer to me, and I spiked your coffee with drugs I found in the office."

Looking at Jack I tilted my head, "Your cute, but your gay, that's sad."

Turning to John I grinned, "Thanks."

Gazing down at me all rather curious I thought of the place I most wanted to be, and then I was gone.

"Where did she go?" Gwen asked looking to Jack for help.

"I don't know but wherever it is, the bomb just went off." Staring at his companions, Jack smiled, "Ianto how about ordering us another pizza?"

……..

I know, I killed her, but it was for the best I swear, I didn't want her to get together with anyone, and I also didn't want her taking over the entire human race.

Mostly this sets it up for a possible sequel if anyone cares. Now I have to sleep. .


End file.
